Recently I sat in a small class and the instructor said something disturbing. She said that her organization would not have leaders teaching marriage who “weren’t capable” of sustaining a successful marriage. Meaning no divorced people?
Immediately red flags went up for me. Weren’t CAPABLE? Hmmmm. The reason this was such a hot button for me was, first of all, that I personally have been divorced, twice. Secondly, I have heard others claim that those who have been divorced cannot teach others about marriage nor counsel anyone in relationships. Fiddlesticks!
This is a glaring example of Marital Discrimination. You have heard of racial discrimination, sexual discrimination, age and gender discrimination. Dictionary.com gives this definition of “discrimination” : treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor for or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit: racial and religious intolerance and discrimination.
Marital Discrimination is used against those who have been divorced to put down those who experienced divorce. It is prejudice: pre-judging someone or something to be wrong not based on individual circumstances or merit.
There are many extenuating circumstances in marriage. For example, my first husband led a double life. He pretended to be a loving, faithful husband and father, but secretly had affairs and did drugs and whatever he pleased, taking great pride in hiding all of this from me. Some husbands are addicted to porn. Others want to party and leave gorgeous wives because they are so uncomfortable being “tied down” to a truly good woman. I have known several women like this, whose prior husbands were foolish enough to think that the grass was greener on the other side.
One of the difficult things about divorce is that it is permanent, especially with children from that marriage. Although having children is wonderful and worth the many inconveniences of permanent ties, it does usually mean painful situations for all parties. The other thing is that one partner can shove off and leave the other high and dry, like in a business partnership, responsible for debts they didn’t incur. It isn’t fair but it happens.