Tag Archive | self confidence

A new house!

Oct10

Getting a new house is exciting, fun, and, well, challenging! Even when a home is move-in ready, there is all the bustle of packing, unpacking and finding places to put familiar things in unfamiliar places.

When the home is NOT move-in ready, that adds another dimension entirely!

We bought a bigger house in the same neighborhood (location, location, location!). In order to do that, we paid more than had we moved elsewhere (our b-i-l sells foreclosure/ renovated homes) for similar size with more yard and better condition. Staying here eliminated the need to start over socially, and kept us close to my elderly mother’s apartment to see her often.

We knew going in to this home that we would be doing work on it: we wanted to turn the separate -entrance basement into an apartment.

What we didn’t realize was that we would become nomads for two months!

Our living area of the home needed a lot of work we hadn’t anticipated: new flooring (warped floorboards from water damage), new paint to cover torn sheetrock, improved lighting. Then we noticed that the countertop was melted down to the wood by the stove, so new countertops too!

While the sheetrock, electrical, painting and flooring work was done, we moved from hotel to friend’s camper to Airbnb to b-i-l’s cabin 75 minutes away–quite a lot of traveling!

Admittedly, we prolonged the process a month by choosing a gorgeous grey bamboo hardwood flooring–did you know it needs to acclimate FOUR WEEKS to adjust to Utah’s dry desert conditions?

After seven weeks, our flooring–carpet and bamboo–was finally installed, walls painted, and lighting completed. We moved in. Sort of. We have a bed in the bedroom. A piano in the parlor. Everything else is in storage. Why?

Still no countertops, sinks, nor water hooked up to toilets! It felt like camping to use a bathtub as a sink, with no countertops, and the toilet flushed by pouring into it a bucket of water (from a tub faucet). My husband got a long-enough water connector so we had self-flushing toilets within two days!

It turned out that having Mother practically next door came in very handy while camping in our home. What luxury to use her washer and dryer, kitchen, and TV with couches, which she graciously shared. Sweet! (She lived with us for a year before this so we are on great terms. We also give her gifts and do nice things for her to make this temporary situation “win-win” for her as well as for us, intruding on her space as little as possible.)

Later this week our granite countertops will be installed. With sinks! Then we will be ready to really move in our household belongings from the two PODS in our driveway, where they sat since the twelfth of August, two months ago.

But before the countertops get put back, I am frantically painting the cabinets! The light oak clashed with the grey floors. So the cabinets get painted dark grey to match. White doors and trim. Quite an adventure for a novice refinisher like me!

While it will be nice to really settle in and enjoy our new home, I already talk to my husband about our NEXT home when we sell this one in a few years… He closes his eyes, puts a hand to his head and shakes it slowly: “Not another ‘new’ house!”

Volunteer!

Aug14

Are you looking for a way to fit in, to feel needed, to make a difference? VOLUNTEER!

One of the fastest ways to find like-minded friends is to join a cause you feel strongly about. Use your talents to make the world a better place, and find self respect and self esteem.

Look around your neighborhood. Are there shut-ins or elderly who would appreciate a visit or call? Helping them with errands may be greatly appreciated. Perhaps a young mother could use some help with her children, or a family with one parent some assistance in the yard.

Do you attend a church? I belong to a lay church where I’ve served in a variety of volunteer positions in music, teaching children and cub scouts, and serving the youth. Perhaps you know of some church members needing assistance. Ask the leaders in charge if they know of some service opportunities.

There may be needy people in your area that could use a hand. One fun thing to do is to leave a needed but anonymous gift! I especially enjoy doing this at Christmastime, but any time can be rewarding when you know that what you give is needed and appreciated.  Even a plate of cookies with a friendly note to a neighbor helps build a sense of community.

Do you have strong political opinions? Volunteers are in demand to make phone calls, put up flyers and signs, and offer assistance. I served as precinct chair and vice-chair, as a county delegate, and in helping specific candidates.

Hospitals love volunteers. I worked as a Candy Striper as a youth, filling water containers and bringing ice to patients in their rooms. They often wanted company more than ice water.

Crisis centers need people to answer phones and take calls. I worked as a volunteer in a crisis center in college.

Soup kitchens and homeless shelters welcome volunteers. Women’s shelters invite assistance in gathering clothing, food, and supplies for infants, women and children of all ages.

The American Red Cross seeks volunteers.   

Name indexing of public records helps people connect world-wide in finding their ancestors. I’ve indexed names from Germany, Mexico, and the United States, from ancient parish and city records, census records, and immigration records. Even shut-ins can make an important contribution doing this.

Retirement centers and nursing homes welcome visitors. For four years my singing group of bell ringers visited the sick and elderly all year long, performing beautiful music to brighten their world. My grandfather and other home residents now enjoy weekly visits from those with service dogs.

There are many ways to volunteer. What interests you? Do you want to help people locally or abroad? What talents or skills might you enjoy sharing to bless the lives of others?

One way to heal from past trauma or abuse is to help others. Serving those who have gone through similar trials can help us overcome anxieties. If you would like personalized assistance in finding ways to volunteer, please contact me.

Meditation for Healing the Inner Child

Aug7

Listen to your inner child

Are you looking to feel more peace, less stress, and more self-confidence? Healing meditation may be just the thing to regain balance in thoughts and emotions. This is an imagery meditation for healing the inner child.

First, choose a peaceful place where you can be undisturbed and by yourself for a few minutes. Turn off the phone and focus on YOU. A balanced, healthy self is foundational to everything else you do. Think of this as time wisely invested.

Get comfortable, uncross arms or legs to an open position. Your eyes may be open or closed. Relax. Take some deep, slow breaths. Notice your breathing. Breathe more deeply.

Notice your thoughts and emotions. How are you feeling right now? Take another deep breath, and let it out. Continue to breathe deeply and evenly.

Imagine yourself as a very small child, perfect and whole as the day you were born, with pure love for yourself and all those around you. See that loving child carried in your heart, feeling and wanting good things for you and for everyone.

What would that loving inner child tell you about yourself? What good things does your inner child like and admire about you? What do you most admire about this sweet little child? Tell your inner child what you most love about them. What do you miss about being an innocent little child?

Imagine that you ARE this little child. What do you most want to do? As a child, what sounds fun? As an adult, what would your inner child most enjoy doing? What makes you feel alive? Think of this inner child as part of you, close to your heart. What will bring out their joy? Do you have talents or hobbies you’d like to begin or start again?

Imagine being your inner child. Consider how important to this small child physical needs are–good food, water, resting when tired, going outdoors in the sunshine and fresh air, running around to play. See yourself outdoors, doing what you love to do. What physical activities do you most enjoy? See yourself resting or sleeping when tired from a busy, active day. Think of waking–what kinds of foods would make your body feel most alert and alive, healthy and vibrant? What sounds the most delicious? Now see that child as part of you, the adult. Are you honoring the physical needs of your inner child? What does your inner child tell you would give you balance and make you both happy?

Take some deep breaths. Slowly become aware of your surroundings. Take another deep breath. Notice how you feel. Do you feel more calm and serene? Does life seem more promising and inviting? Take a few minutes to write what you learned about yourself and your inner child.

If you would like further assistance in healing meditation and in healing your inner child, please contact me. I am not a therapist. I am experiencing my own healing journey and happily share what helps me.

How do you undo verbal child abuse?

Aug1

Do you feel anxious or depressed? Were you verbally abused as a child? Do negative labels or false ideas about yourself or your abilities limit you? How do you undo verbal child abuse?

Long after a person says cruel, untrue things, the effects can live on in our minds. Unless we take positive steps to change our thoughts!

For example, my father in his frustration when I was a child said hurtful things that I found lingered on as false beliefs when an adult, creating holes in my self-confidence. I worried others  would find out about the REAL me (actually false, projected by my father’s paranoid delusional fears). He told me to look him in his eyes–as if he could see my true soul–then accused me of being evil. For years I didn’t want to look ANYONE in the eyes, fearful they would see what my father saw!

As an adult, I realized logically that my father projected his own fears and insecurities, but emotionally I still felt worthless. It seemed nothing I did countered this, whether getting straight A’s, college scholarships, or trying to be a good wife and mother. I inwardly worried that what my dad saw when he looked in my eyes was true.

It was difficult to be a good wife or mother while I carried negative inner fears and self-labels. I selected husbands (married twice) who fed upon my insecurities. Marital drama got in the way of my being the kind of mother or providing the kind of home for my children that I wanted. I went through the motions of being a stay-at-home mother and even homeschooling, but the unrest affected my children. I didn’t pass on the same type of abuse, but the anger and despair they witnessed in me did a lot of damage. I was not as emotionally available to them, caught up in inner turmoil.

One thing that helped change my self-view was joining a self-help group for nervous or anxious people. Dr. Abraham Low   taught nervous persons to become self-sufficient, warding off panic or anxiety by changing their thoughts. Attending those meetings taught me better thinking habits. I learned to identify and gradually change false ideas about myself. I learned to stop responding as a victim– to monitor and refocus thoughts before they got out of control.

I studied Family Life, where I learned model ways of family interaction and parenting. I read helpful books, and saw professional therapists who helped me further unravel false patterns.

What can YOU do to move forward and change old patterns and beliefs that disrupt your life? Excellent therapists can assist.  Books and classes may help.   I am not a therapist, but if you would like empathic guidance please contact me for your free 30-minute phone interview to see if you are ready for greater light. Are you ready to change your thoughts and let go of the past to find your inner truth? A better life awaits!