Tag Archive | change thoughts

Sending the Right Message

Nov17

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Jay and I want success for our upcoming marriage!

We appreciate all of the tools and attitude adjustments possible to help us make our adventure together into matrimony one that is joyous throughout our lifetime. We each want to do our part to be accountable for what we create. We also want to avoid pitfalls and mistakes of the past.

So last weekend we especially enjoyed attending a workshop, “Sending the Right Message,” (STRM) by John Canaan. We’ve been to a lot of workshops before, individually and as a couple, and this was my first time at this workshop, while a re-take for Jay. He hadn’t told me too much about it, except that it had opened his heart.

We really appreciated what we experienced there and came away feeling empowered and inspired. What struck me most deeply was that my life is really my choice. While I don’t always choose what happens around me, I DO choose my reactions to it. This includes my thoughts and feelings, actions, and how long I hold on to or cycle these.

All of us make mistakes, so we need a way to unburden ourselves from the guilt. We can’t always make restitution for our errors, either. This class is Christ-centered, explaining that Jesus Christ came to earth exactly for the purpose of redeeming us from our sins and paying them for us through His suffering, knowing we couldn’t make amends for everything. [If you are not a Christian, you may turn to your own beliefs and Higher Power to assist you with this concept of relief from guilt.] Christ not only paid for our own sins, but also for those of the people who hurt and betray us. When we hold grudges against them or retaliate, we hurt ourselves more and cause Christ more suffering. By forgiving them, it doesn’t mean that what they did was not wrong, but rather that we leave judgment to God and allow that person their own experience. We also release ourselves from the poison acid of resentment that hurts us more than it affects them. 12893946-closeup-of-a-representation-of-the-jesus-christ-crown-of-thorns-cross-and-nail

Jay and I are NOT perfect people! We have each seen the other get ‘triggered’ (overwhelmed by negative emotions) in various settings. Sometimes it has been by what the other has done, sometimes by others around us. It is important that we have a way to deal with these upsets as they arise, and not allow them to damage our relationship. By accepting Christ’s Atonement, we forgive ourselves for being human with fears and insecurities that trigger us in reminder situations, and we also forgive others when they act as less than their best selves.

I actually got upset during the workshop with reminder symptoms from prior bad relationship experiences. Jay let me cry on his shoulder, and John Canaan had me write about my feelings and thoughts, asking me to record on paper what the situation reminded me of and to describe my feelings and thoughts about that, then what those reminded me of, and so forth. By doing this, I traced it back to childhood hurts and feeling betrayed and abandoned by loved ones then and later.

John said that we are all very good at sending messages! People get exactly what we mean! The problem is that this message is not necessarily very nice. Because our hearts are filled with negative emotions like fear, mistrust, or resentment, we tend to send defensive or offensive messages. The RIGHT message is LOVE. Only when our hearts are filled with LOVE will we send the RIGHT message.

I learned invaluable ways to fill my heart with LOVE, the simplest of which is to BE STILL and connect with God until I feel whole and complete. Then to SERVE. We LOVE those we SERVE.

This is definitely something Jay and I can use to improve our marriage!

John has a wonderful program, and taught us nine Agreements to make with ourselves in order to be accountable for what we create with our own life. I create my world!

Jay and I signed up for the Mastery 10-week program, which gives one week for each of the Agreements with daily support and a class each week. This will be a retake for Jay, and I want to take it with him. It will be interesting to see how my perspective evolves as by then we will be newlyweds of two-and-a-half months.

I am so excited to be on this grand adventure of life and of marriage with Jay. I feel very humble and blessed to have him as my companion, because he dotes on me! Wow! We hope that with these tools we can keep our love as fresh and vibrant as it is now. We cherish our time together. I look forward of sending Jay a lifetime of the RIGHT messages: “I LOVE you!” and “I love SERVING you!” His happiness is my happiness. I delight in ways to bring him greater joy.

He always seems a step ahead of me in serving each other, so it is a fun game we play together. “I win!” when Jay feels loved! And vice versa. Actually, we both win. We win because we both feel loved and supported. This in turn helps all others we interact with to win: our children, my parents (Jay’s are deceased), our grandchildren, our friends and neighbors, even the people we meet on the street or while shopping. Because when we are connected to each other and to God, our hearts are filled with LOVE and we are sending the RIGHT message to each other and to everyone: L-O-V-E.forever-love-holding-shape-together-mean-loving-each-other-36033051

 

Energy Work Rocks!!!

May21

I Love Energy Work!

Recently I hired an energy coach. Just this week she helped me to release issues that still triggered upset feelings from when I was fifteen: the year I crashed on my bike, was humiliated in front of my friends that I lived with when my family moved, and met my future husband who wore a mask and wasn’t who he pretended to be. In earlier sessions, I released negative emotions and false beliefs from myself with experiences and feelings at ages eight, five, three, and even at conception. Last night as I explained to a friend how much I valued this, they were unfamiliar with energy workers and what they do. Today I’m writing not only to them, but to you so that you too can better understand why ENERGY WORK ROCKS!!!

Why Do We Need Energy Work?

As tiny children and throughout our early lives especially, all of us make judgments about ourselves, those around us, the world, and God as we try to make sense of our experiences. Our three-year-old child inside us still runs a lot of our programs, based on those judgments. Unless we examine those programs and identify false beliefs we adopted as little children, we subconsciously continue to use them as facts which govern our lives. These are not only ideas, but we also carry and store corresponding emotions in various parts of our bodies: trapped emotions never resolved. We were too young, or there were too many things going on during trauma or difficult periods of our lives, to see clearly or to resolve the emotions or judgments. Those can be seeds of dis-ease for wherever the negative emotions get stored in the body.

What Is an Energy Worker? Why Do I Need One?

An “energy worker” is simply someone who helps us identify those areas and beliefs and resolve them, bringing to light the false belief and helping us decide to release (forgive, repent of) the negative energy we’ve carried. Hence, “energy” worker. You can identify your own areas, but that is like being your own doctor when you are wounded. It is helpful to have a third party, skilled observer guiding the process of identifying and releasing the false belief. It is an accountability, examining what we’ve always assumed to be true with an unbiased person who can more clearly see the falseness of the belief, because they do not have the emotional baggage associated with it.

What Does an Energy Worker Do?

An energy worker help us recognize the falseness of a belief (we all carry some false core beliefs, such as: I am unlovable. I am unworthy. I am not good enough. I am not smart enough.). An energy worker notices things that “trigger” us, or which cause us to become emotional, such as sad, weepy, angry, etc. when thinking of the past, and then aids us in deciding to release the false judgment and negative emotion.

Is Energy Work Valid?

I am not trained as an energy worker, but in my opinion what the good ones do is every bit as scientific and valid as a licensed therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. In my experience, energy work has been much more effective. Because energy workers are not licensed or regulated, one needs to be careful in selecting someone with the Spirit of truth, light and discernment, as well as skilled at getting to the root of emotional and health energy blockages. There are many different training schools and modalities. I was only on the receiving end, benefiting from the experience and training of others. I know this worked much better and faster for me than traditional therapy, which I also tried. Cognitive recognition helped but didn’t release the attached emotions. A lot of traditional therapy seemed to be about discussing why I was messed up and what happened to mess me up without really solving anything or giving me hope I could ever be any better. It was more like a blaming session (it’s my parents’ fault!) than about understanding myself and seeing others and the situations with love and compassion, as I do during energy sessions.

How to Find an Energy Worker

It is easy to Google just about anything you want, but I personally like a referral from people I know when seeking a health practitioner, whether traditional or alternative. If no one you know uses energy workers, some places to start are Reiki, Dr. Bradley Nelson’s Emotion Code and Body Code, and programs such as The Awakening, which I took with my mother to clear generational issues. Best wishes to you on your own path to healing and wholeness!

Energy Work Works!

When I was fifteen and crashed on my bike, I made subconscious judgments, blaming my friends whom I was racing to catch up to for abandoning me, leaving me behind. I felt humiliated when my friends silently witnessed a boy who previously liked me telling me in front of them that he was no longer interested in me in any romantic way. I was deceived by my first husband right from the time I met him, and later judged myself as stupid for not noticing his personality changes and seeing through his disguise.

This week I realized for the first time, with help from my experienced energy worker, that these issues still bothered me and were blocking my self-acceptance and ability to move forward with confidence. With her help, I let go of anger and judgments not only against myself and the people involved, but against God. I subconsciously blamed Him and didn’t trust Him to help me since He allowed these things to happen! I didn’t even realize until working with my energy coach how I blamed God for so many things! I let go of those feelings and judgments against Him, myself, and others.

Energy work is a healing process, with layers. It’s interesting to me that I’ve had issues come up from conception (I felt abandoned by my sister for not coming to earth with me as my twin–she decided to let me go first, following me sixteen months later; no wonder I was always jealous of twins!), as well as a young girl. This week was all about being fifteen, of which I hadn’t given much conscious thought. Another layer of judgments and negative emotions resolved! Whoo hoo!

After my sessions, during which I usually cry off all my makeup, I feel lighter, with more energy and peace! I feel healthier, as I’ve just released negative emotions from my BODY, as well as judgments from my MIND! I have renewed HOPE! My body is strengthened by dumping toxic emotions! I can change! I am NOT trapped by my past! I have a NEW, JOYFUL LIFE!

Thank you for letting me tell you why ENERGY WORK ROCKS!!!

Forgiving Father

May14

My dad is seventy-six years old. He currently resides in a rehabilitation center, where he’s been regaining strength in his arms and legs to hopefully live on his own again. This week the staff there informed us that living on his own is not a viable option for him, because of his cognitive difficulties. He has dementia. This is only one problem of many.

Dad struggled the past fifteen or so years with the sensation of having bugs in his skin, crawling, itching, and hoping someone could verify their existence. He thought he got the bugs from some kittens he had at the time, which all died soon after he started itching. Dad went to dermatologists, emergency rooms, physicians, and psychiatrists repeatedly over the years hoping for relief. Blood tests and examinations found no markers for parasites of any kind. Dad went to all lengths to kill the bugs he thought lived inside his skin. He put Lysol in his bathwater (don’t do this!), scrubbing at his skin for hours every day. He refused to let family members touch him, for fear he was highly contagious. He tried swimming in the Great Salt Lake, hoping the salts would heal and disinfect. He insisted on a blanket covering car seats he sat on, requesting we wash coverings as soon as we got home. He wiped off chairs in his house before we were allowed to sit. He withdrew from grandchildren, terrified they could catch parasitical bugs. Despite being told by dermatologists that he was safe to be around, or to swim with, Dad held fast to his fear of being highly contagious.

Dad thought anyone who disagreed with his self-diagnosis of bugs were in on a conspiracy against him. He also thought people were stealing from him. He claimed people were coming into his home, replacing his nice things with old versions. He had elaborate theories of why neighbors and others would do this, and stories of what they had done. He opened nearly half a dozen bank accounts, closing one whenever he thought it compromised and opening another. He hoarded possessions. He put multiple locks on his doors. One hospital psychologist told me in passing that Dad was paranoid delusional.

After my parents separated, when I was nine, Dad insisted on psychological examinations for himself and for my mother, hoping to prove he was a more fit parent and should receive full custody. Although my mother suffered from depression, the profile showed that my father had multiple personalities.

I didn’t learn this until I was an adult. I knew as a child that my dad was sometimes Santa, happy, loving and giving. Other times he was Mad Dad, scary and mean–to my mother especially, but also to my sister, brother and me. Dad grew up mainly in foster homes, Grandpa taking him at times until drinking and beating my dad, who was just a boy. It was the kind of home Grandpa grew up in, and Grandpa ran away for good when he was only twelve. Alcoholism went back to my great-great grandfather, with mean drunks, abuse, and divorce. But Dad doesn’t remember bad things he said, the beatings of my mother. He doesn’t understand why she left and destroyed his perfect family.

Now my father is not to live on his own, because it isn’t safe. Neither is it safe to have him in our homes. He still succumbs to temper outbursts. This crossroad is heartbreaking. I feel we have come around full circle. Where once we were dependent upon Dad for our sustenance, he now depends on us to manage his bills, his finances, help him get groceries, and now we decide where he will live.

He won’t want to be anywhere other than home. He wants to keep his house to pass on to my brother. He has no long-term-care insurance. He has some savings, but those could deplete over the years. There is no way that we can satisfy all my father’s desires: to be at home, independent, and in control.

This isn’t just about deciding where my father will live. It is about forgiving Father. It is about understanding his pain, his heartaches and fears throughout his life. It is about recognizing that Santa Dad is my true father, his true heart revealed. Mad Dad is his alter-ego, the suppressed side of fearful anger, the wounded inner child of generations lashing out. It is feeling his anguish, his desires to be a great husband and father, and how life screwed him over as a young child to the point where he couldn’t ever completely sort it out or heal. But he tried. He truly tried.

Santa Dad taught me to tell time, to dive off the edge of the pool, to ride a bicycle. Santa Dad taught me to stay away from drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. Santa Dad taught me to be a virtuous woman. He likened me to a butterfly, encouraging me not to let others rub off the pretty colors from my wings. Santa Dad lived his life for his children. He wanted to keep them safe, keep them healthy, keep them happy.

Father still loves our mother. Two years ago she dreamed about what he’ll be like in heaven, and that when he is healed she will want to be with him again. I too have hope for him to heal in heaven. When Jesus walked the earth, he cast out devils, made the blind from birth to see, cured leprosy, made the lame walk. I know He will heal my father: “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).

My parents both express desire to be together in heaven. I’ve told each of them my lifelong plan: that when they die, I will have them sealed together by proxy as husband and wife, and then I will be sealed to them, too (see Matthew 18:18). This to me is the ultimate forgiveness. That imperfect people, living imperfect lives, have hope of being cleansed, purified and healed in Christ, to live together as a truly happy family.

I not only plan where my father will spend the rest of his mortal days, but prepare a place in my heart for him in heaven. I have forgiven Father.

Meditation for Healing the Inner Child

Aug7

Listen to your inner child

Are you looking to feel more peace, less stress, and more self-confidence? Healing meditation may be just the thing to regain balance in thoughts and emotions. This is an imagery meditation for healing the inner child.

First, choose a peaceful place where you can be undisturbed and by yourself for a few minutes. Turn off the phone and focus on YOU. A balanced, healthy self is foundational to everything else you do. Think of this as time wisely invested.

Get comfortable, uncross arms or legs to an open position. Your eyes may be open or closed. Relax. Take some deep, slow breaths. Notice your breathing. Breathe more deeply.

Notice your thoughts and emotions. How are you feeling right now? Take another deep breath, and let it out. Continue to breathe deeply and evenly.

Imagine yourself as a very small child, perfect and whole as the day you were born, with pure love for yourself and all those around you. See that loving child carried in your heart, feeling and wanting good things for you and for everyone.

What would that loving inner child tell you about yourself? What good things does your inner child like and admire about you? What do you most admire about this sweet little child? Tell your inner child what you most love about them. What do you miss about being an innocent little child?

Imagine that you ARE this little child. What do you most want to do? As a child, what sounds fun? As an adult, what would your inner child most enjoy doing? What makes you feel alive? Think of this inner child as part of you, close to your heart. What will bring out their joy? Do you have talents or hobbies you’d like to begin or start again?

Imagine being your inner child. Consider how important to this small child physical needs are–good food, water, resting when tired, going outdoors in the sunshine and fresh air, running around to play. See yourself outdoors, doing what you love to do. What physical activities do you most enjoy? See yourself resting or sleeping when tired from a busy, active day. Think of waking–what kinds of foods would make your body feel most alert and alive, healthy and vibrant? What sounds the most delicious? Now see that child as part of you, the adult. Are you honoring the physical needs of your inner child? What does your inner child tell you would give you balance and make you both happy?

Take some deep breaths. Slowly become aware of your surroundings. Take another deep breath. Notice how you feel. Do you feel more calm and serene? Does life seem more promising and inviting? Take a few minutes to write what you learned about yourself and your inner child.

If you would like further assistance in healing meditation and in healing your inner child, please contact me. I am not a therapist. I am experiencing my own healing journey and happily share what helps me.

How do you undo verbal child abuse?

Aug1

Do you feel anxious or depressed? Were you verbally abused as a child? Do negative labels or false ideas about yourself or your abilities limit you? How do you undo verbal child abuse?

Long after a person says cruel, untrue things, the effects can live on in our minds. Unless we take positive steps to change our thoughts!

For example, my father in his frustration when I was a child said hurtful things that I found lingered on as false beliefs when an adult, creating holes in my self-confidence. I worried others  would find out about the REAL me (actually false, projected by my father’s paranoid delusional fears). He told me to look him in his eyes–as if he could see my true soul–then accused me of being evil. For years I didn’t want to look ANYONE in the eyes, fearful they would see what my father saw!

As an adult, I realized logically that my father projected his own fears and insecurities, but emotionally I still felt worthless. It seemed nothing I did countered this, whether getting straight A’s, college scholarships, or trying to be a good wife and mother. I inwardly worried that what my dad saw when he looked in my eyes was true.

It was difficult to be a good wife or mother while I carried negative inner fears and self-labels. I selected husbands (married twice) who fed upon my insecurities. Marital drama got in the way of my being the kind of mother or providing the kind of home for my children that I wanted. I went through the motions of being a stay-at-home mother and even homeschooling, but the unrest affected my children. I didn’t pass on the same type of abuse, but the anger and despair they witnessed in me did a lot of damage. I was not as emotionally available to them, caught up in inner turmoil.

One thing that helped change my self-view was joining a self-help group for nervous or anxious people. Dr. Abraham Low   taught nervous persons to become self-sufficient, warding off panic or anxiety by changing their thoughts. Attending those meetings taught me better thinking habits. I learned to identify and gradually change false ideas about myself. I learned to stop responding as a victim– to monitor and refocus thoughts before they got out of control.

I studied Family Life, where I learned model ways of family interaction and parenting. I read helpful books, and saw professional therapists who helped me further unravel false patterns.

What can YOU do to move forward and change old patterns and beliefs that disrupt your life? Excellent therapists can assist.  Books and classes may help.   I am not a therapist, but if you would like empathic guidance please contact me for your free 30-minute phone interview to see if you are ready for greater light. Are you ready to change your thoughts and let go of the past to find your inner truth? A better life awaits!