Tag Archive | effectiveness

A new house!

Oct10

Getting a new house is exciting, fun, and, well, challenging! Even when a home is move-in ready, there is all the bustle of packing, unpacking and finding places to put familiar things in unfamiliar places.

When the home is NOT move-in ready, that adds another dimension entirely!

We bought a bigger house in the same neighborhood (location, location, location!). In order to do that, we paid more than had we moved elsewhere (our b-i-l sells foreclosure/ renovated homes) for similar size with more yard and better condition. Staying here eliminated the need to start over socially, and kept us close to my elderly mother’s apartment to see her often.

We knew going in to this home that we would be doing work on it: we wanted to turn the separate -entrance basement into an apartment.

What we didn’t realize was that we would become nomads for two months!

Our living area of the home needed a lot of work we hadn’t anticipated: new flooring (warped floorboards from water damage), new paint to cover torn sheetrock, improved lighting. Then we noticed that the countertop was melted down to the wood by the stove, so new countertops too!

While the sheetrock, electrical, painting and flooring work was done, we moved from hotel to friend’s camper to Airbnb to b-i-l’s cabin 75 minutes away–quite a lot of traveling!

Admittedly, we prolonged the process a month by choosing a gorgeous grey bamboo hardwood flooring–did you know it needs to acclimate FOUR WEEKS to adjust to Utah’s dry desert conditions?

After seven weeks, our flooring–carpet and bamboo–was finally installed, walls painted, and lighting completed. We moved in. Sort of. We have a bed in the bedroom. A piano in the parlor. Everything else is in storage. Why?

Still no countertops, sinks, nor water hooked up to toilets! It felt like camping to use a bathtub as a sink, with no countertops, and the toilet flushed by pouring into it a bucket of water (from a tub faucet). My husband got a long-enough water connector so we had self-flushing toilets within two days!

It turned out that having Mother practically next door came in very handy while camping in our home. What luxury to use her washer and dryer, kitchen, and TV with couches, which she graciously shared. Sweet! (She lived with us for a year before this so we are on great terms. We also give her gifts and do nice things for her to make this temporary situation “win-win” for her as well as for us, intruding on her space as little as possible.)

Later this week our granite countertops will be installed. With sinks! Then we will be ready to really move in our household belongings from the two PODS in our driveway, where they sat since the twelfth of August, two months ago.

But before the countertops get put back, I am frantically painting the cabinets! The light oak clashed with the grey floors. So the cabinets get painted dark grey to match. White doors and trim. Quite an adventure for a novice refinisher like me!

While it will be nice to really settle in and enjoy our new home, I already talk to my husband about our NEXT home when we sell this one in a few years… He closes his eyes, puts a hand to his head and shakes it slowly: “Not another ‘new’ house!”

The Third Time’s the Charm

Nov10

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Which would you rather believe: “The third time’s the charm” or “Three strikes and you’re out”? I prefer to focus on possibilities of success, rather than failure. Still, it can be daunting to accept two failed marriages and then be willing to take on a third, hoping for better results. After all, the definition of insanity is said to be doing the same thing and expecting different results. Something better be different if I want things to be better!

My fiance, Jay, pursued me for fourteen months before I took his intentions seriously. He is a very persistent man! He knew what he wanted and prayed about it, and felt he should continue to date me even when I wasn’t very encouraging. With my track record, I was leery of permanent commitment to him. He reminded me so much of my first husband in looks and mannerisms–the man I thought my first husband was, that is, but turned out not to be. I’d been fooled before, and wasn’t eager to jump back into the fire.

But with loving patience, kindness, and understanding, Jay helped me to realize at last that he really is who he appears to be. He is authentic: sincere, delightfully flawed like I am, and very inspired and spiritual. We are yin and yang for each other, completing each other in our own unique way. This is a second marriage for him, and he also learned much from previous mistakes.

One of my pet peeves is hearing people talk as if divorced people can’t possibly understand relationships nor should they try teaching others about relationships. Really? One can’t learn from their mistakes and have anything valuable to share? My belief is that my mess is my message. “I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work,” said Thomas Alva Edison, inventor of the light bulb. Like Mr. Edison, my failures were just ways that didn’t work, and now I can try better ways.

Better ways come through better knowledge and application of that knowledge. I have a partner who is aware, accountable and respectful. Armed with hundreds of hours of personal development seminars and mentoring, including relationship workshops, we make a great team! He is the man I consider my best friend in the world! We are each ready to embark this second/third time into the waters of marriage together, and stay afloat.

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Another misconception I had when young was that people could only truly love when they were young and good-looking. Perhaps I got this from the silly Harlequin Romances I used to read as a teenager. I didn’t realize that age really doesn’t matter, if the couple has their health and faculties–perhaps even if they don’t. I didn’t think older people had passion! I didn’t realize that, even as a grandmother and grandfather, we could relive the same passions we felt as teenagers! Jay makes me feel like I’m sixteen years old again! Our love is as vibrant, young and fresh as if this was our first love, which in many ways, it is.

Our top aspiration is to have an eternal partnership, for we believe that a man and a woman can be sealed together forever. We want our relationship to last not only for time, but for eternity. Our goal is an eternal family unit. Our dreams of a loving, equal partnership are coming true!

We are each aware of the baggage we carry, and have coping tools to deal effectively with what comes up. We’ve already been practicing helping each other work through things when one of us gets triggered emotionally, and this is the man I choose to keep by my side always. He truly is my best friend. With him, I feel calm and confident. He brings balance to my life, for in my quest for independence I sometimes focused too much on material mental goals and not enough on the emotional heart of connecting. I can be my authentic self with Jay. He finds me beautiful no matter how much I dress up or down. We each seek each other’s well being, We belong to the same church and have the same spiritual beliefs, and invite God to be part of our relationship. The contribution of husband, wife, and God will suffice, “for with God all things are possible” (see Mark 10:27). Christ’s Atonement is sufficient. Through Him we are a new man, and a new woman. We are humbled by past failures, but hopeful through faith in Christ.

It took those other times of failure to bring us to this place of finding each other, to appreciate what we have together! Our love feels like a cathedral with stained glass windows of beauty, richness and history. It is sacred to both of us. We cherish this opportunity to love and be loved. To be in a loving, respectful relationship, where we honor each other as a noble son and daughter of God.

We now go forth together, soon to be joined as husband and wife, man and woman, equally yoked and ready for the path the Lord lays before us that we choose. For we truly believe that this time is the charm.

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Energy Work Rocks!!!

May21

I Love Energy Work!

Recently I hired an energy coach. Just this week she helped me to release issues that still triggered upset feelings from when I was fifteen: the year I crashed on my bike, was humiliated in front of my friends that I lived with when my family moved, and met my future husband who wore a mask and wasn’t who he pretended to be. In earlier sessions, I released negative emotions and false beliefs from myself with experiences and feelings at ages eight, five, three, and even at conception. Last night as I explained to a friend how much I valued this, they were unfamiliar with energy workers and what they do. Today I’m writing not only to them, but to you so that you too can better understand why ENERGY WORK ROCKS!!!

Why Do We Need Energy Work?

As tiny children and throughout our early lives especially, all of us make judgments about ourselves, those around us, the world, and God as we try to make sense of our experiences. Our three-year-old child inside us still runs a lot of our programs, based on those judgments. Unless we examine those programs and identify false beliefs we adopted as little children, we subconsciously continue to use them as facts which govern our lives. These are not only ideas, but we also carry and store corresponding emotions in various parts of our bodies: trapped emotions never resolved. We were too young, or there were too many things going on during trauma or difficult periods of our lives, to see clearly or to resolve the emotions or judgments. Those can be seeds of dis-ease for wherever the negative emotions get stored in the body.

What Is an Energy Worker? Why Do I Need One?

An “energy worker” is simply someone who helps us identify those areas and beliefs and resolve them, bringing to light the false belief and helping us decide to release (forgive, repent of) the negative energy we’ve carried. Hence, “energy” worker. You can identify your own areas, but that is like being your own doctor when you are wounded. It is helpful to have a third party, skilled observer guiding the process of identifying and releasing the false belief. It is an accountability, examining what we’ve always assumed to be true with an unbiased person who can more clearly see the falseness of the belief, because they do not have the emotional baggage associated with it.

What Does an Energy Worker Do?

An energy worker help us recognize the falseness of a belief (we all carry some false core beliefs, such as: I am unlovable. I am unworthy. I am not good enough. I am not smart enough.). An energy worker notices things that “trigger” us, or which cause us to become emotional, such as sad, weepy, angry, etc. when thinking of the past, and then aids us in deciding to release the false judgment and negative emotion.

Is Energy Work Valid?

I am not trained as an energy worker, but in my opinion what the good ones do is every bit as scientific and valid as a licensed therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. In my experience, energy work has been much more effective. Because energy workers are not licensed or regulated, one needs to be careful in selecting someone with the Spirit of truth, light and discernment, as well as skilled at getting to the root of emotional and health energy blockages. There are many different training schools and modalities. I was only on the receiving end, benefiting from the experience and training of others. I know this worked much better and faster for me than traditional therapy, which I also tried. Cognitive recognition helped but didn’t release the attached emotions. A lot of traditional therapy seemed to be about discussing why I was messed up and what happened to mess me up without really solving anything or giving me hope I could ever be any better. It was more like a blaming session (it’s my parents’ fault!) than about understanding myself and seeing others and the situations with love and compassion, as I do during energy sessions.

How to Find an Energy Worker

It is easy to Google just about anything you want, but I personally like a referral from people I know when seeking a health practitioner, whether traditional or alternative. If no one you know uses energy workers, some places to start are Reiki, Dr. Bradley Nelson’s Emotion Code and Body Code, and programs such as The Awakening, which I took with my mother to clear generational issues. Best wishes to you on your own path to healing and wholeness!

Energy Work Works!

When I was fifteen and crashed on my bike, I made subconscious judgments, blaming my friends whom I was racing to catch up to for abandoning me, leaving me behind. I felt humiliated when my friends silently witnessed a boy who previously liked me telling me in front of them that he was no longer interested in me in any romantic way. I was deceived by my first husband right from the time I met him, and later judged myself as stupid for not noticing his personality changes and seeing through his disguise.

This week I realized for the first time, with help from my experienced energy worker, that these issues still bothered me and were blocking my self-acceptance and ability to move forward with confidence. With her help, I let go of anger and judgments not only against myself and the people involved, but against God. I subconsciously blamed Him and didn’t trust Him to help me since He allowed these things to happen! I didn’t even realize until working with my energy coach how I blamed God for so many things! I let go of those feelings and judgments against Him, myself, and others.

Energy work is a healing process, with layers. It’s interesting to me that I’ve had issues come up from conception (I felt abandoned by my sister for not coming to earth with me as my twin–she decided to let me go first, following me sixteen months later; no wonder I was always jealous of twins!), as well as a young girl. This week was all about being fifteen, of which I hadn’t given much conscious thought. Another layer of judgments and negative emotions resolved! Whoo hoo!

After my sessions, during which I usually cry off all my makeup, I feel lighter, with more energy and peace! I feel healthier, as I’ve just released negative emotions from my BODY, as well as judgments from my MIND! I have renewed HOPE! My body is strengthened by dumping toxic emotions! I can change! I am NOT trapped by my past! I have a NEW, JOYFUL LIFE!

Thank you for letting me tell you why ENERGY WORK ROCKS!!!

Why I Pursue Personal Development

Oct2

Why do I pursue Personal Development courses, books, seminars?  Why invest the time and money? How do they help me fulfill my mission here on earth?

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I, like Nephi, “was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father” (1 Nephi 1:1), and then learned in high school and at college while acquiring my bachelor’s degree. In fact, while attending Brigham Young University I learned the AIMS of a BYU Education: “(1) spiritually strengthening, (2) intellectually enlarging, and (3) character building, leading to (4) lifelong learning and service.” Brigham Young said, “Education is the power to think clearly, the power to act well in the world’s work, and the power to appreciate life.” Personal development helps me to be of greater service to my family, friends, community, church, and professionally.

What is Personal Development, anyway? Wikipedia says it is, “activities that improve awareness and identity, develop talents and potential, build human capital and facilitate employability, enhance quality of life and contribute to the realization of dreams and aspirations.” A long Wikipedia list follows of ways personal development can assist a person’s well-being, effectiveness, and contributions.

There are many sources for Personal Development. I enjoy reading good books, going to seminars, and listening to audio recordings of books or talks by, those who practice what I want to learn. Recently I listened to Sonya Lyubomirsky’s THE HOW OF HAPPINESS: A SCIENTIFIC APPROACH TO GETTING THE LIFE YOU WANT.

The 12 recommendations for improving happiness are:         Image

  1. Expressing gratitude

  2. Cultivating optimism

  3. Avoiding overthinking and social comparison

  4. Practicing acts of kindness

  5. Nurturing relationships

  6. Developing strategies for coping

  7. Learning to forgive

  8. Doing more activities that truly engage you

  9. Savoring life’s joys

  10. Committing to your goals

  11. Practicing religion and spirituality

  12. Taking care of your body

Just listening helped me feel happier, as I realized that I control my happiness! I already did so many of these things! I realized these ways to be happier simply put religious teachings into practice, giving me more confidence in the religious views that helped me overcome so much.

One reason I pursue Personal Development is to overcome effects of past abuse and trauma. I find it much more cost- and time-effective than traditional psychotherapy (I’ve used that too, and it has its place). Seminars with activities such as ropes courses, walking barefoot over hot burning coals, and sky diving all helped me to overcome fears and learn that my body can go forward even when the mind is fearful. Getting through the fear, going forward anyway, is powerful in extending my comfort zone. I find a lot of healing in this, and empowerment to know that I am not my past experiences! I have intrinsic and profound worth as a daughter of God.

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I am grateful for the Personal Development gained so far, and intend to continue learning, growing, and stretching throughout my life, to become all I can be in fulfilling my mortal mission.